this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
