I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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