break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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