You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
