fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
