Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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