I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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