I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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