im having a threesome with these popsicles
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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