The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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