Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
