There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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