I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
