Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
