I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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