If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
