U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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