K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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