Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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