did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
