then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
