I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
