Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
