that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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