I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
