shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
