You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
