Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
