they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
