mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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