Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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