On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
