Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
