Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
