i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
