Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
