I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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