there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
