I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
