he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
