you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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