Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
