atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
