i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
