You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
