I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
