thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
