I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
