it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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