I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
