I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
