I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
