Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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